Why don't I like these?

I'm not sure;

But when I saw these Jeffery Campbells in gold, my first thought was eeeeew. I don't understand why, it has all the elements I usually adore in a shoe. The heel is lovely and reminds me of seashells, the ruffles have a luxurious feel about them, and I'm a sucker for a peeptoe anything. So why does it make me want to screech like a banshee and shield my eyes in terror?

I think it's too much for me. I'd have the seashell heel or just the ruffles, but not both. Or maybe it's just not my personal style... which is strange because I just bought a pair of peeptoe cutout booties in bright red with a bow on the front. I'm all for a feminine shoe, but I think this one's just too costume-y for me.

Recession chic

D'you think these were haphazardly designed by Mr. Louboutin on a carefree day off, relaxing on his banana lounge on the beach of some exotic location, martini in hand, sketchbook in the other? Yeah? So it seems plausible that, in an utterly relaxed state, he simply forgot to finish drawing the random bow plonked on the front?
Oh geez, I'm being silly. Of course it was done on purpose. Fabric is expensive, you know. Chopped up bow-ties are so much more economical.

Biologically speaking

What d'you think these shoes would say, if they could talk? I imagine it would go something like;

AUGH! Help! I'm being assaulted by macroscopic flesh-toned mitochondria!

IDGI

So everyone's undoubtedly gaga over these:

But truthfully, I don't understand the craze. (Suddenly, millions of women around the world want to kill me and they don't know why) So they're pretty different from anything I've seen before, but really. They have holes in them. So many holes. And I'm not too fond of the clunky heel. And at that length, they'd cut off the legs of anyone under 5' 9". They're kind of weird. And did I mention the holes??
I dunno. Maybe ignorance is bliss.

Double Take

I can just hear them now, mocking me.

Please Explain!

I don't get it.

I really don't get it.

Why??

Did someone take a run at CL while he was designing, brandishing a pair of scissors and screeching mad things about cleansing our vile earth of perfectly unobtrusive completely-enclosed boots without giant gaping holes in them?

Or did he just simply start from the bottom, work his way up to the top of what could have been a lovely peeptoe pump, and thought - hey, I'm becoming WAY too predictable with this, let's add some LACES. YEAH.

Either way, they make me want to buy them just so I can open the box, look to the heavens and yell "Nooooooooooooooooooooo............."